the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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