Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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