based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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