i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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