I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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