I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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