i think i have herpe
just one?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The air was thick with penises
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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