I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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