My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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