I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize