I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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