dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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