I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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