well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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