how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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