I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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