Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I enjoy the company of your penis
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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