were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize