I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
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you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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