Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
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this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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