a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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