Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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