my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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