Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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