I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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