he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize