I just threw up on my dentist
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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