guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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