I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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