Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well I can't set my house on fire every night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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