i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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