Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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