The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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