Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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