He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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