My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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