I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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