I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i love accidental penises.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize