I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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