I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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