I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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