Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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