Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize