I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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