i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize