Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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