Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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