please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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