ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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