yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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