I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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