My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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